{"id":30,"date":"2021-06-04T21:03:00","date_gmt":"2021-06-04T21:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/quillandeasel.com\/?p=30"},"modified":"2021-07-15T21:38:33","modified_gmt":"2021-07-15T21:38:33","slug":"my-why","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/quillandeasel.com\/?p=30","title":{"rendered":"Keep Learning, Aging One"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Today I turn forty-one years old. My year of being forty held many surprises, most of which I deemed not very positive. The year was also marked by a lot of really normal life, like cyclical household and parenting duties. But through all the oddities and monotonies, a theme of learning and inspiration emerged. As I learned to recognize it, God\u2019s provision came through time after time. And with that, a new desire and directive formed in my heart: Do something you were created to do; write about stuff. Record the beauty, the ah-ha moments, the realizations of when you could feel God\u2019s smile. Over the years, it will become a map of your life that will help your journey to make sense.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

After all, when you\u2019re forty, you can officially let go of your teenage insecurities. Sometimes I get the mischievous feeling that I can say to the people who think I\u2019m odd: \u201cYou don\u2019t have any effect on me; I am my own person now.\u201d Which isn\u2019t entirely true, of course. I still get hurt pretty easily. But I\u2019m growing\u2014I do muster up my courage a little more often now than I did when I was thirty. Helen Keller wrote, \u201cLife is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.\u201d I think that writing those lessons down is part of living and understanding them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you\u2019re forty, you can officially let go of your teenage insecurities.<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Many of the disappointments of last year, some of which were related to the pandemic, had to do with my plans and goals being thwarted time after time. It didn\u2019t help that in my daily housewife and mom life, I also experienced a lot of inefficiency. So I started to develop a complex related to \u201cnot being able to get anything done.\u201d I mean, really,<\/em> I would tell myself, what kind of person can\u2019t even get her dishes done every day? Seriously. What is wrong with you? <\/em>And I would think of all the things I\u2019ve started and not finished, or else finished way beyond a reasonable time limit. Those two online courses I bought. That dress I worked on sewing for literally TWO MONTHS. That sweater project that was supposed to come together in one hour and had to be revamped and renovated for days and weeks. That pile of papers on the desk that keeps multiplying faster than rabbits.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

And then, gently, God\u2019s provision, this time a reassuring echo that probably originated from one of the minimalist YouTubers I follow: \u201cActually, you can<\/em> do it. You can live into the person God\u2019s created you to be. God isn\u2019t just sitting there saying, \u2018See, I thought you couldn\u2019t get anything done, you inept person, you.\u2019 Instead, He\u2019s saying, \u2018I believe you can get something done. It\u2019s okay to do a little at a time. Just try again. You can do it.\u2019 \u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So this blog feels like a real step toward mustering courage to DO something that\u2019s measurable, and something that reflects who I was created to be. It\u2019s been two months in the making (something else that dragged on much longer than originally anticipated), but it is getting launched.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few caveats seem to be appropriate here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This blog isn\u2019t about \u201cbeing an influencer.\u201d It\u2019s about what I\u2019m learning and how you might be encouraged through seeing my journey. I cringe at the mere suggestion of setting myself up to be an influencer. All those inefficiencies of which I spoke? They happen even though I get a babysitter for my boys probably more often than any other mother in my church community. I deal with mom guilt an awful lot because of that. But I\u2019m working on being okay with my needs being different from anyone else\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This blog isn\u2019t about creating the perfect-looking home. It\u2019s about finding and creating moments of beauty as time and energy allows. And it\u2019s not about minimalism, although I am immensely fascinated with the concept. Nor is it about food, but . . . when food is beautiful and inspiring, I will probably write about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why the focus on beauty? I have noticed how calming and enjoyable it is to look at beautiful spaces, to be in nature on a mild day, and even to look at a beautiful picture. Author Aundi Kolber put words to my feelings in her book Try Softer. <\/em>In it she talks about how \u201cbeauty hunting\u201d is healing, and how it\u2019s used during therapy. It really is a thing. I think it\u2019s because beauty reminds us of a place in which nothing bad can occur. It\u2019s a hint of heaven that God has graciously provided for us while we go through this earthly life.\u00a0 We just have to realize it\u2019s there. And here. And everywhere, if we just look for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Beauty reminds us of a place in which nothing bad can occur.<\/p><\/blockquote><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

I want this space on the internet to be about the journey to wholeness, a place where I share beauty, truth, and goodness. I\u2019m sure I will be tempted to vent my frustrations or get on a soapbox at times, but that\u2019s not my goal or purpose here. Similar to my beliefs about what should get posted on Facebook, I plan to studiously avoid controversy, anger, and unkindness. I may be criticized for not sharing all of reality. That\u2019s okay. This is a place for healing, not a place to foster angst and negativity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So here we go. My forty-one-year-old self now has a website and an outlet for the many cogitations in her mind. Enjoy it with me!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today I turn forty-one years old. My year of being forty held many surprises, most of which I deemed not very positive. The year was also marked by a lot of really normal life, like cyclical household and parenting duties….<\/p>\n

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